Patty Mayer, Director of Adult Faith Formation at OLIH, writes:
In September of 2006 I closed the door on a 12-year career working with juvenile delinquents. Twelve years of individual, group, and family therapy with over 300 troubled teens. At one point someone gave me a picture of a teddy bear that had been ripped apart and told me their image of what I did was take people who had been torn apart and put them back together.
Another person gave me a picture with a baseball glove and flowers and told me it represented how I treated the youth, with both the firmness of a glove catching a baseball, and with the tenderness of a flower.
Leaving counseling was not hard, because I trusted I had a greater calling.
I moved to Marshalltown to work for the church. Shortly after I was there I found people coming to me for advice, comfort, and guidance. Someone slipped a brochure for a Spiritual Direction program into my mailbox at work. Eventually I could no longer ignore the taping on my heart and decided to check into certification programs, thinking I would be able to convince myself that this is not really what God wanted me to do. I kept putting it on a back burner, until it rose to the top again, a never ending cycle.
One day a woman approached me after morning Mass and asked me to be her spiritual mentor for a program she was going through. She gave me the details: meet once a month to review the work she had done, ask her questions about what this all means for her, and discuss where she is feeling called as a result.
At this time my plate was full, I was working at the two parishes in town in an attempt to ideally create one bilingual faith formation program for over 400 students. I felt like this call was bigger than just this one person and agreed to meet with her. As the months went on I came to realize this one hour a month brought me a level of joy nothing else did. I could no longer ignore the call to become a Spiritual Director and began feeling disobedient to God by not pursing it, which led me in my discernment to leave my ministry in Marshalltown.
Once at OLIH, I shared with Fr. Steve Orr my desire to pursue a Spiritual Direction certification, he fully supported helping me make that happen. Although I felt confident that this is what God was calling me to, I also have to admit there was fear.
There had definitely been a level of burnout as a counselor, and I questioned how Spiritual Direction would be any different. I weighed my fear against the level of joy both I, and the woman I accompanied, experienced as I walked with her on her journey. I firmly believed that God’s grace would not allow fear to win. Through my journey towards certification I faced many obstacles, including my divorce and all that I had to unpack as a result, at one point I needed to make a decision and God’s grace gave me the strength to set aside the worldly things that pulled me away from my pursuit of following God’s call in my life.
Is there anything in your life that you have noticed others coming to you for?
What brings you, and those around you, joy?
I have been actively serving as a Spiritual Director since the summer of 2019. As a Spiritual Director I put myself aside so that I can listen to the person in front of me. As I listen, my intent is to hear the sacred story of the one who is sharing, my role is to ask questions that will encourage deeper exploration into where God is, and what the Holy Spirit is stirring up, within them.
In the beginning it can feel strange because our society has trained us to listen to respond, instead of listening so a person feels heard. I still sometimes feel awkward as my spiritual director listens and doesn’t respond until I’ve shared all that I need to share. There is something so healing about feeling completely heard and not interrupted.
There are many reasons a person would seek spiritual direction, for example discernment, desire to grow in prayer or relationship with Jesus, or walking through spiritual dryness. I also encourage people who work in ministry to find a Spiritual Director who will walk with them. I would say the norm for meeting with a Spiritual Director is monthly. I also have several who come to see me when there is a need or desire to explore something more deeply in their life.
I always tell people that if it’s not a good fit I am happy to refer them as well. As a Director I am never offended when someone tells me it’s not working for them.
As a Spiritual Director there are three ways I continue to be nurtured so that I am able, by the grace of God, to serve others:
I go to my Spiritual Director, Gary. He challenges me to go deeper. Gary is not my first Spiritual Director. I’ve seen several over the years, some were not a good fit, and others retired, or moved. It’s okay to shop around until you find the one who fits you and your needs well. What I like about Gary is he asks the hard questions without hesitation and he is steeped in Ignatian Spirituality.
I participate in monthly supervision. It’s during this time that we focus not so much on what people bring to us, but on what is happening within me as I listen. Supervision becomes a safe space to recognize what rises up within me so I can begin to deal with it on my own time and in my own Spiritual Direction and prayer time.
I continue my own personal faith journey through prayer and study. I don’t study so I can have the answers but so that I can be steeped in God’s love and grace as I allow Him to work both within and through me to the person I am sitting with.
We have several Spiritual Directors in our parish & diocese; if you are not sure who would be a good fit you can contact Patty Mayer to discuss and get a recommendation.
Myself, Patty Mayer
And coming soon: Tom Primmer
Emmaus House: A Center for Spiritual Companionship & Contemplation (Urbandale)
@ Emmaus House: Kevin O’Donnell & April Young
There are also several Spiritual Directors in our Diocese.